"Dogs can't wear condoms"...

...announced Pam Anderson upon hearing of the imminent slaughter of countless stray dogs in Mumbai India. Appears the mongrels are out of control and have become a public nuisance of the highest order, a charge which includes the biting of monkeys it seems. City government has decided that a mass culling program is the only way to go. The Baywatch star/animal activist doth protest, much to the chagrin of prideful Mumbaiers who don't like to be advised by such folk.

Speaking of biting monkeys on the Subcontinent, I've learned that the deputy mayor of New Delhi was recently killed by a mob of angry macaques. Pushed off his balcony. Aggressive city monkeys are indeed prone to fight, especially when they think you've got food. But in all fairness, they will always give you fair warning before ripping your arms off and using them as drumsticks on your head. Here are the signs:

"First, the animals will look at you in the eyes, open their mouths, and bare their teeth. Rhesus macaques, the aggressive monkeys that cause a lot of the trouble in Delhi, will then warn you with a grunt. Next, they might fake a lunge toward you; this often causes a victim to lose his balance. If you're still withholding food, they'll grab at your knees and legs, and put their mouths on you so that you can feel their teeth. Finally, if you still won't cooperate, they'll sink their canines into you. The study in Bali found that most macaque bites don't break the skin, but a wound could allow transmission of herpes B, which can be fatal to humans." (reported by Michelle Tsai)

So now you know. And for the record Ms. Anderson, dogs can wear condoms.